just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
