Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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