She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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