Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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