i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
