I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
