THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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