so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
