Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
