in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
