You made me cry and you don't even care
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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