i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
