So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
