Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
