I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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