I'm really into asian looking animals
I met the friendliest cop last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize