Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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