went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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