And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
