i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
