Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
