I wish my penis had an off switch
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
