Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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