I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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