I wish I could punch you in the face.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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