I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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