she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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