oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
