had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
