his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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