How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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