Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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