you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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