Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
