It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
