apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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