i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
