I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
