He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
