I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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