I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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