i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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