Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
