She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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