before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
