I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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