I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
