I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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