the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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