we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
