My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
