i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
