I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
