Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ttyl tear gas
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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