Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
