You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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