Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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