Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize