I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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