dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
