there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
