well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
