Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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