Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
