when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm at about main and main street
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
