he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
