Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
