Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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