I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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