Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
