okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize