Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
