I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
