Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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