my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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